easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A bitchslap is in order.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
