Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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