I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
