i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
