I accidentally had phone sex last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
