I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
