No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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