Your face is a jimmy john
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
