Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
