In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
