Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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