wanna go halves on a baby?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's rum buckets o'clock
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
