I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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