He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
