Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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