I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
