My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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