how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
