he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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