Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
