mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
