he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
