Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
