SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
