...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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