wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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