She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
