What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
