So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my being single is dangerous.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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