I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
