Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
