Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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