Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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