i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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