Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
