Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
