Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
