My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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