i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How's work?
Spinning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
