You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
