I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
