I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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