Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
