Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
