The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
