i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
