Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
