There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
