Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
