Screwed.edu
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
