we have pet lesbian snakes
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
