All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
