the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
