i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
